Welcome!

Hi!

I don't know how to start but here is a confession:

I started this blog two years ago to serve as a space to dump the depressive thoughts I have been having for years now. I never really got to writing anything because I tried my best to live. To find reasons to keep on fighting. To find meaning in life so I won't seek the comfort of death anymore.

Two years later, here I am. And I think I failed.

I failed everyone. But importantly, I failed myself. I tried so hard to be the person I am meant to be but it turns out, I am still the same worthless 21-year-old who thought that he can do something for the world. I found out the hard way that I cannot do anything. I am a fool for thinking that the world still needs me. Or that the world even needed someone like me.

I tried. This is what I want to point out. Maybe it is my fault that I never seek help. Maybe it is my fault that I pushed everyone away but what choice do I have? Just because I am hurting all the time doesn't mean that I should share the hurt to people around me. Nobody deserves that. Nobody deserves to be with someone whose only thing to offer is pain. Everyone deserves to be happy. Well, other people deserve to be happy...and that is why I remove myself from everyone.

I know I am never perfect. And maybe I did a lot of mistakes more than an individual is allowed to make in his life. But these past two years also gave me one thing worth remembering: that I have the capacity to care for someone more than I could for myself. I was happy for a brief moment last year and I would cherish that moment forever. I know, I don't deserve her, but I will forever thank her for that.

As of me writing this, I already figured out how to end this existence. I have a date. And between that and now, I'll try to share everything so you'll know what to look for. I hope whatever I've written here will save someone else. I might be too late for me but to you who are reading this, please do try to save people, no matter how hopeless they are. And when you decide to be a friend, just be there, no matter how they push you away.

Please, don't get tired of fighting for people who are tired of fighting for their lives.

Sincerely,
ghostvines15